Randomness Too Stupid For A Title
by SoScreamLouderNow
Summary: Read the title! It's just some random thought. But it's pretty funny. ::smiles seductively:: Please Review.
1. Chapter 1

**No masterpiece…Just some random thoughts…**

HARRY: I'm bored

HERMIONE: Oh yeah? So am I

RON: I wish someone would snog me

HARRY AND HERMIONE: -Look at each other-

RON: What?

HARRY: Nothing

RON: -Falls silent-

HARRY: Its 12:01 in the morning maybe we should go to bed…

HERMIONE: No! Let's prank call some people

RON: Err-who?

HERMIONIE: -shrugs- Just some random people

HARRY: Okay!

HERMIONIE: First –pulls out 3 bottles of Fire Whiskey- Let's get drunk!

RON: Hermione I love you

HERMIONE: Err, yeah

_1 HOUR LATER…_

HARRY: -bursts out laughing-

HERMIONE: -laughs hysterically-

RON: -snorts-

HARRY: WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER

RON: SHUT UP AND DRIVE DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!

HERMIONE: HEY! HEY! YOU! YOU! I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!


	2. Chapter 2

_They all keep singing random lines from random songs_

HERMIONIE: -Pulls out a black Razor-

HARRY: -Grabs it and dials-

BELLATRIX: Dark Lords Office, Bellatrix Lestrange speaking, how may I help you?

HARRY: I want a Karaoke machine for Christmas please

BELLATRIX: WTF? Why do I care?

HARRY: Isn't this Santa's' office?

BELLATRIX: No, it's the Dark Lords. Do you need anyone killed? That's what we specialize in. Although, Narcissa is pretty good at foot massages…

HARRY: Can you kill Draco Malfoy for me?

BELLATRIX: No, he's at school now.

HARRY: Can I be a Death Eater?

BELLATRIX: I'm sorry? No, but you can be part of the Death Lickers Club if you're underage.

HARRY: Seriously? Sign me up.

BELLATRIX: Name?

HARRY: Roonil Wazlib

BELLATRIX: OHMYGAWD! THEEEE ROONIL WAZLIB? I THINK YOU CAN BE A DEATH EATER! I LOVE YOU. I WATCH ALL YOUR SHOWS ON YOUTUBE!

HARRY: -doing Elvis' voice- Thank you, thank you very much

BELLATRIX: -faints-

RON: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

HERMIONE: I'll be right back –goes through portrait-

HARRY: I'm a pretty butterfly…

RON: I'm claustrophobic, that's why I never play hide-and-seek with you guys


	3. Chapter 3

HARRY: I have a confession…

RON: …

HARRY: I am your father

RON: I always wanted a famous daddy that breeds gay sheep in his backyard

HARRY: I'M HARRY POOTER

RON: I'M ON YOUTUBE!

HERMIONE: -walks through portrait with HUMONGUS breasts- **_(Engorgio, anyone?)_**

HARRY: Oh

RON: My

RON AND HARRY: Gawd

RON: -Humps Hermione's leg-

HARRY: Your boobies-they're so…

HERMIONE: -Blushes- Well, I found this potion in Snape's storage… -looks down- MAJOR CLEVAGE!

HERMIONE: I just got some new clothes. I'll go try them on for you guys

-Kicks Ron off her legs- -comes down with some new clothes- **_(Britney Spears Style!)_**

RON: Hermione, you're so hawt, I love you –Starts snogging her-

HARRY: -staring into space-

HEMIONE: RON! GO GET SOME TIC TACS AND SOME MENTOS!

RON: Accio tic tacs and Mentos

_A whole bunch of packages of tic tacs and Mentos come flying through the windows_

HERMIONE: That oughta be enough

HARRY: -grabs a package of Mentos- MENTOS! THE FRESH MAKER!


	4. Chapter 4

**Didn't expect me to make MORE did you??**

_Another hour later…_

HARRY: At your wedding can I have my own singysong?

HERMIONE: What do you mean?

HARRY:-singing the Wedding March- Dun Dun Dun Dun, Dun Dun Dun Dun, Dun Dun Dun DUN Dun Dun Dun Duun Dun Duuuuuuuuun.

HERMIONE: Sure, but we haven't got to PAY you right?

HARRY: -smiles- 2 Knuts per hour

HERMIONE: Hey, let's be a threesome

HARRY: -Shakes head- No, thanks. –Looks at all the mentos and tic tac packages-

I've still gotta make my breath nice and clean for Lav-lav

RON: LAV-LAV? THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND!

HARRY: But you were just snogging Hermione

RON: Oh, yeah. Never mind

HERMIONE: Are we going upstairs, or what?

RON: Naw. Harry promised he would give me the 'talk'

HERMIONE: -exaggerated enthusiasm clapping hands- Oh yay! I've always wanted to witness the talk about female menstruation.

HARRY AND RON: WTF?

HERMIONE: Never mind, just keep on talking; keep on talking keep on talking –speaking like Dory from Finding Nemo- Just keep on swimming keep on swimming, keep on swimming, swimming, swimming. My cousin had this talk, he said he learned a lot. He learned about the bunnies and kitties, or was it summat else?

HARRY: I think she overdosed. –pulls out more Fire Whiskey- -they get drunk again-

HARRY: So, Ron you must understand this. When a woman loves a man…


	5. Chapter 5

**I seriously don't want to explain "The Talk" so much. Then I'd have to rate it mature ::frown:: Sorriez!! But I'll explain a few key things. Oh, and A LOT of thanks goes out to ****Tegan.Sensei for the next few chappies. That's if I don't get it in this chap. ::wink wink:: PLEASE REVIEW!!**

HARRY: Then the sperm reaches that stuff in the woman, ovaries, I think. And then a baby is made!! Isn't that just plain weird? I wonder if Ginny's up to it…

RON: That's awesome!

HARRY: Thank you!

HERMIONE: Wow. That was so- _inspiring_.

HARRY: -giggles-

RON AND HERMIONE: -start snogging-

HARRY: -sighs-

_A voice comes from the portrait_

SNAPE: -sneers- What's this?

HARRY: Well, it all started out with a few bottles of Fire Whiskey…

SNAPE: I see

HARRY: Do we have to go to bed?

SNAPE: No, you have detention

HERMIONE: -groans- Oh, Severus. I told you tomorrow night! Must you always come early?

RON: Are you a prostitute?

HERMIONE: -smiles innocently- No, I'm just a whore

RON AND HARRY: Okay

SNAPE: Wh-what? Come early for WHAT exactly?

HERMIONE: -winks- You know

SNAPE: -blushes- Oh…_that_


	6. Chapter 6

HARRY: -looking at Snapes' cheeks- Red is definitely not your color

RON: -nods- I agree. That us Weasleys signature color.

HERMIONE: Tomorrow, right?

SNAPE: Yes

HERMIONE: -smiles-

SNAPE: WHAT'RE YOU DOING UP? YOU MUST BE IN BED! AND DRINKING TOO! UNBELIEVABLE! I WILL REPORT YOU TO DUMBLEDORE! WHAT THE FUCK! DETENTION AND 350-

SIRIUS: _Alohomora_! Oh, fuck wrong one. _STUPEFY_! –Snape falls-

HARRY: SIRIUS!

SIRIUS: What're you guys doing up? And there are 15 bottles of Fire Whiskey on the floor!

HARRY: I'm sorry

HERMIONE: _Stupefy_! –Sirius falls-

HARRY: Let's get 'em drunk with us!

RON: Yeah!

_Sirius and Snape wake up and get drunk_

SNAPE: I love you Granger!

HERMIONE: Let's make tomorrow come today

_Snape and Hermione go and shag each other up stairs_

SIRIUS: Man, I miss these foolish and sexable Hogwarts girls

HARRY: -sighs- Yeah, man

1 HOUR LATER

SIRIUS: SO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT!

Review! Now! One Click, I Don't Care If You Write "Pathetic" (REVIEWER!)


	7. Chapter 7

_3:00 in the morning_

_Snape and Hermione come down the stairs_

HERMIONE: Who else wants?

RON: Naw

HARRY: Nopey Dopey

SIRIUS: You're hair is too bushy for me

HERMIONE: Want to prank call again?

SIRIUS: SURE! –grabs phone and flicks through the messages-

HERMIONE: -looks tense- SIRIUS! DIAL. _NOW_.

SIRIUS: Who's V Dursley?

HERMIONE: Erm-Well…Long story.

SIRIUS: You gave him a blow job?

HARRY: What?

HERMIONE: What? No…I didn't.

HARRY: V Dursley? Like VERNON DURSLEY??

HERMIONE: No-no…of course not!

SNAPE: I thought you loved me?

RON: And me?

BRITANY: Me

MADONNA: And me

RON: Let's play basket ball!


	8. Chapter 8

SIRIUS: -flaps hands weirdly- LOOK AT ME! I'M A GENIE! PATCHOO! HAHA YOU"RE HEAD EXPLODED!

HARRY: Pfffft! I can rap, that's better than being a stupid genie!

SIRIUS: Is not!

HARRY: Is too!

SIRIUS: Is not!

HARRY: Is too!

SIRIUS: Oh yeah?

HARRY: Yeah! I'm Harry Potter, I live in a rotter. I hate the Dursleys and I'm a playa. I make out with girls each day in a broom shed---

SIMON (American Idol): That sucked

PAULA: You're going to Hollywood!

RON: B-but I know how to make French Toast!

SIMON: Congratulations! You're my new cook!

RON: Yay!

SIRIUS: It's all about being cute and comical boys, cute and comical

HARRY: Where's Hermione?

SIRIUS: Doing Snape again

RON: Aw, man

SIRIUS AND HARRY: I'm thirsty

RON: More Fire Whiskey boys?

SIRIUS: Yes please

HARRY: Of course Madame Weasley

-Get drunk again-


	9. Chapter 9

**Okaye, this will have to take place on another day, because nights don't last that long. I should know it's 4:43 a.m. on a Wednesday… And it's only Harry, Hermione and Ron tonight. Any ideas? Then freicken REVIEW goddamnit.**

HARRY: So what's on the list for tonight?

RON: I brought Butterbeer

HERMIONE: I brought screwdrivers

HARRY: Oh yeah? Well I brought Kit Kats. Ohhh, BURN. Beat that shit

RON: I brought my wand

HARRY: -faints with hysteria- **(My saying btw)**

HERMIONE: -Dances stupidly, Lune Lovegood way people!-

RON: That sucked man

HERMIONE: I'm practicing for Charms Club

RON: They dance?

HERMIONE: Yheeep

RON: I wanna be in Charms Club!

HARRY: Ha ha! It's actually the Anti-Weasley club!

HERMIONE: -smirks evilly-

RON: I have an _anti _club? Woooow I never thought I was _that_ cool

HARRY: You're not

RON: Whatevah Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful!

HERMIONE: -cries-

HARRY: WTF?

RON: Big girls don't cryyyyyy

HARRY: Then how come I always hear you crying at night over Bellatrix Lestrange?


End file.
